Not that I Needed This

Saw the doctor today for my follow-up on the knee problem.

And…

Arthritis… or rather the beginnings of arthritis…  possibly caused by some sort of injury to my knee earlier in life.  I think I may remember it.  I’m not the most graceful person on earth, so lord knows I could have banged my knees a dozen times in a given year of childhood, but I do remember somewhere around 6th grade running flat out, tripping, and ending up with a black and blue bruise that lasted a week… on this knee…

Now, compared to the hundred horrible scenarios my imagination had cooked up, this was one of the more benign diagnoses.  But at the same time, it’s not so simple.  Arthritis – at 35?  I could have 30, 40, 50 years more of my life…  with arthritis?  Not amused…  And I think of all the things I want to do, the places I want to see, and I wonder if this is a sign…

For now, I stay on the medicine, which is helping.  The pain is gone, but my knee feels…  I don’t know… unsteady?  I don’t know how to describe it, and I’m even willing to believe it’s just based on my own uncertainty – i.e. pscyhological…   I go back in a month for another look.  If there’s no improvement, next is a referral to an orthopedist and an MRI to see what they can do for me.  When the doctor was telling me that I was alarmed.  Then I called home to tell what I found out.  Ironically, my Mom had suggested arthritis (her sister had arthritis at my age).  And that’s when it hit me how long I might have to live with this, and I’m open for whatever can be done… I’m not going to be hobbled the rest of my life…

You may return to your own drama now…