The Unexpected Role Art Played in My Coming Out Story

I have been in the process the past year of adding some of my art to my Etsy shop, and I was recently reminded of the meaningful role that art had in my coming out story. It wasn’t that I wasn’t already teetering on the cusp of finally publicly owning that I was a part of the LGBTQ community. That had been a slow boil for at least a few years.

Part of that time I was too consumed with dealing with my Mom’s dementia. And after finally having to accept that she needed more care than I could provide, I was all over the map. There were days I was so depressed that I didn’t want to wake up and other days that I was ready to finally move forward in life. But mostly I was frozen in my tracks. I couldn’t see a way forward in midlife. It simply felt too late. Honestly I have always been indecisive and this was probably just more of that same energy.

In early 2023, I shared a colorful rainy artwork that was then still pretty new. I love to do rainy scenes but usually they’ve been of specific locations and although people appeared they were rarely the focal point. In this case, it depicted simply a couple under an umbrella together against an abstract backdrop.

I posted it on multiple platforms I used at the time, but it was posted on my Mastodon account where another user responded that they wished for a similarly colorful scene but depicting a gay couple. And I responded back that I would see what I could do…

I don’t know how to explain it except that I never had the excuse before. A relative stranger online had given me the “permission” to create artwork that I never felt free to do before. I hadn’t even thought about it before. If I placed a couple in a scene it was reflexively a man and a woman because that’s what was expected.

A little over a month passed and I finished what was then the only artwork I had done that depicted two gay men as a couple.

And what I’ll never forget about sharing it for the first time was that I felt like I had to explain why I had undertaken this particular scene, that I had been asked to. I hadn’t come out to a soul yet and part of me wanted to own it entirely and say that it was something that was personally meaningful to me. It was a well received piece and I was surprised how much attention it received. Part of that was unquestionably the platform it was shared on (Mastodon) being more populated with queer people and queer-friendly people. So it should have been a thoroughly lovely experience. Yet I couldn’t shake the feeling of disappointment that accompanied it.

Somehow it felt crushing and this was the thing that finally shook me out of my inaction. A few weeks later I finally came out to a friend. Around the same time I started identifying as queer on Mastodon. And as 2023 passed by more and more people in my sphere came to know the “real me.” Or at least as real as is possible. I’ve written and shared a lot of the experience since then. I feel like I’m still in a state of learning who I am or who I was meant to be despite my calendar age.

When I shared my next piece of gay art weeks later, despite the fact I created it to fit a specific request, the best part about it was not needing to use that request as a crutch.

No disclaimers needed this time! Just coming out felt freeing in a way that is still hard to describe but probably understood by a lot of LGBTQ+ people all over. I had become so adept at cloaking my feelings that it was difficult for me to even claim them as my own. Sharing a piece of my artwork and being free to say that it meant something personal to me was an experience I don’t think I’ll ever forget. Or if I do it will be down to the ravages of age.

And it’s a theme that has shown up in my work since then again and again. I guess since coming out I’ve gotten a bit addicted to expressing that part of me through my work. If you’re curious to see more you’ll find it on the Pixels Platform.

Clearly I lean towards the romantic side in my work but I’ve always been the one getting teary eyed watching romcoms and the like. Was it surprising to hear that art played a possibly unexpected role in my coming out story? I’d love to hear if other artists in any form had a similar experience where visual artwork, writing, or music, etc. played a part in your story?