This collection of essays chronicles my queer journey before and after coming out as gay in midlife. I explore what it means to embrace a queer identity, drawing on both personal experience and a background in sociology. My writing here reflects on self-discovery, observations about queer life and broader society, and meditations on navigating a new authentic life.
My essays started as sort of a personal/public way of making sense of my life. I find it easier to grapple with the things I am experiencing in writing than simply sitting and thinking. There’s something about the act of writing words that lets me explore feelings better than I can any other way.
While these essays draw from my personal story of coming out later in life, I also seek to place them in a societal perspective as well as looking at them in context to the times I’m discussing. Whether you’re questioning your own identity, exploring queerness later in life, or simply seeking to understand diverse LGBTQ+ experiences, these essays offer perspectives on the ongoing journey of living authentically.
Twenty-six years have passed since Matthew Shepard’s brutal murder, yet the event still brings tears to my eyes. Talking about this sometimes feels self-indulgent; I’ve mentioned it in past essays, notably one where feelings I’d disconnected from for years resurfaced fully last year. Until then, I had disconnected from the emotions I experienced surrounding Matthew…
Going Off The Script Most gay men seem to have a story of coming to accept their sexuality. It might be long or short especially depending on their generation and other factors, but most I’ve spoken with regardless of having come out “late” or not have definitive moments they realized they were gay and the…
Speaking as someone who came out relatively recently and late in life, one of the things I became acutely aware of in the past year is how little I knew about the current state of HIV care and prevention. I was vaguely aware it was no longer a death sentence but I will be honest…
I mentioned in my last post that it’s coming up on a year since I finally let another human being behind the curtain. My coming out experience has been textbook in some cases and probably unorthodox in others. First in the unconventional category is that when I started coming out last year I was convinced…
I’m still not at quite a year since the first friend I came out to in 2023. If I’m honest I didn’t think to write the date down so all I’m sure was it was in the last ten days of April. I may pick an arbitrary date to mark each year. I don’t know….
Watching the Oscars recently, I had one of those little flashbacks. Nothing mind-blowing just dropping into life circa 1985. This was before we had MTV but there was Nick Rocks on Saturdays when Nickelodeon aired videos. And Madonna’s Material Girl video captured my attention in multiple ways. What made me think of this during the…
For several days now my feed on the various socials I’m on has been flooded with grief for Nex Benedict, a non-binary Oklahoma teen. Their death looks to be the result of bullying which stirs up a lot of angst for the LGBTQ+ community. In fact, I’ve been surprised how many of my peers recount…
I mentioned in a past post that I tended to shy away from storylines I knew were painful. This was especially true if there were queer characters but it was pretty true across the board. If a movie, TV show, or book promised pain, I was hesitant. Where are my happily ever after stories? Mind…
I kept thinking I would sit down and write about my thoughts on Queer As Folk again before reaching the actual conclusion but it never happened. It’s been a roller coaster. It’s Feb 8th and I started watching the series about the beginning of December. So five seasons in just over two months. I could…
I’ve mentioned the imposter syndrome in pasing before in my post about what therapy has shown me. At the time I mentioned worrying that I hadn’t done enough. Essentially worrying that people who had openly “been gay longer” had more authority than I do. It’s like being the new guy in the workplace. I think…
Okay, if you haven’t seen All Of Us Strangers don’t read this first. See the movie when you can. Gay or straight I think there’s something for you in this film. If you keep reading after this then you are spoiling it for yourself… I had seen the previews for this film and kept hearing…
I’ve mentioned before having old memories suddenly click back into view but I don’t think I’ve spoken at any length about what it’s like. It’s not like a daily occurence or anything, far from it. I can think of a handful in the entire past year. I am not sure if the most traumatic was…
This might seem to be an odd pairing of queer movies. And truthfully I’m combining them more because I don’t think I have enough to say about either movie for a solo article. Both are films I watched in the latter months of 2023. If you haven’t watched Nuovo Olimpo or Aristotle and Dante Discover…
Okay, I’m part way through season 2 of the original US version of Queer As Folk. So if you have never seen it and have a desire to watch it unspoiled, this is your spoiler warning right here. Turn back! Okay, I’m not sure where to even start at this point. First I’ll be honest,…
I don’t lean into the spiritual side of things very much but I will admit it’s peculiar how sometimes things seem to drop into my life at the right moment. Sometimes in the form of people, books, or other resources. In this case, it’s a podcast. Some months ago I vaguely remember seeing a post…
That title is probably going to sound like a re-watch but I didn’t actually watch Queer As Folk back in the day. I don’t remember hearing that either the British or American versions existed until years after the fact. I didn’t have Showtime in 2000 so that was one barrier to knowing it even existed….
It’s taken me just over three weeks to sit down and record this event. And the headline may be a little confusing. Because surely in 50+ years I’ve encountered people being homophobic. Oh absolutely. I couldn’t even begin to peg down the first time that I heard gay, queer, or the F-slur dropped as derogatory…
During the summer I was on something of a reading binge when it came to books that discussed queer topics. I’ve mentioned some or maybe all of them in my blog before, but I read three that in particular I found meaningful. Each was beneficial in its own way helping me understand my experience in…
This might be a messy topic in that I think I’m also simply catching up on what has been going on of late but a lot of it revolves around a sense of what I think is queer grief. First in the catch-up department, I had my “big” coming out moment. Now, I should probably…
I’ve mentioned before random memories coming back. Like my memory of Matthew Shepard’s death. That was a memory that I wouldn’t call so much banished because on the anniversary each year when I saw photos of him I would feel deep sadness. But I really didn’t let myself dwell on the part that event played…
For anyone who has known me in person, my body issues have been on public display for most of my life. In fact, I remember all the way back in kindergarten that I was Santa in our Christmas play because some of my classmates suggested I fit the role because I was fat. I look…
I have been very introspective even for me the past few months. I would guess due to having started therapy and talking about myself more than usual. And of course, I’d been writing about things here on my blog even before that. So last night I went to bed super early because I was just…
As I’ve mentioned in edits to a couple of old posts, I started therapy several weeks ago. It’s placing a strain on the old budget (run buy some art folks!), but I hit the point of realizing it was a must. Specifically my reason was that I have battled social anxiety most of my life….
In the past week I watched the new Wham! Documentary out on Netflix. That was an emotional trip. I’m not sure exactly when I became aware of Wham! Until recently I had all but forgotten that before MTV came to our cable line-up in my high school years, Nickelodeon had Nick Rocks which played some…
It was just about two months ago now that I sat down and wrote about my coming to terms with my queerness. Obviously, the journey reaches back much further than that. Part of it, I recently wrote about in my art blog where I shared some new work that I did for Pride Month 2023….
I had a strange revelation about being closeted the other day. Keeping in mind if you haven’t’ read the other posts in my series about accepting my own queerness, I’m only just now at 51 exiting the closet. I’ve been in there so long that it’s a way of life and honestly it’s still hard…
A theme that keeps coming up when I come out to friends has been that I feel I’ve spent my life holding space around me, probably in every sense. I’ve always been one of those people who has a strong sense of my personal space in a physical sense. Maybe a symptom, maybe who I…
This post was originally my third post on accepting my queerness. Those first two original posts are less relevant now and I just add extra complexity. This current post about my queer journey although not first chronologically is a good introduction if you want to know more. However this post does help understand some of…
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